So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
