then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
