I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Houston, we have a blender
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
