FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
