I wish I only lived at night.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
