Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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