it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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