What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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