I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Of course I have a pirate flag
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
