I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
