Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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