I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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