told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
