how can u be prego again
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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