How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
