i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
