my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
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