Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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