we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
