I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
