I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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