there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
