Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Randomize
