thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
