I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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