This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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