So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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