if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
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