Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they're like a gay fantastic four
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
