She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Randomize
