Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
