My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize
