Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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