I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
