You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
