Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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