How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
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Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
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why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
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