don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
