Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Randomize
