nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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