Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
