he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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