and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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