the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
