Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
