Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
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he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
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Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize