did you get engaged???
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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