I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
