I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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