why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
