today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
