you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
