i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
