Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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