so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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