bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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