im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just pynch a tree in the face
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i barfeds in our rink
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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