this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
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