Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
