Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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