Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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