now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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