I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
