Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
