Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
