so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
