I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
