I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
