OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
