Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
