I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
