he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I can't put those talents on a resume
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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