At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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